Linsey Gordon had a…hatchet?

So I’ve finished my poem based on the Lizzie Borden “nursery rhyme”.


The Ballad of Linsey Gordon

A Sunday school teacher was Linsey Gordon,
who ran her class like a prison warden.
Though she was filled with the unholy ghost,
she knew her Bible better than most.
Vanilla plain, she was, with a heart as black as coal,
and a hole where there should have been a soul.

Then one day,
feeling rather gray,
tired of her mother’s nitpickings,
she gave her fifty whippings.
When she saw what she had done,
she gave her father fifty-one,
adding their remains to the wood chippings–
all with a ho and a hum.

Feeling better for the release,
this woman of candor and caprice,
she sought out her sister, Elise.
When she found her, forty lickings did she give,
and when she saw what she had done,
she gave her brother thirty-one,
while giving her lollipop forty-one.

Fortified now,
with the taste of blood in her mouth,
she gave her puppy thirty kickings,
tired of his incessant yippings.
When she saw what she had done,
she gave her kitty twenty-one,
annoyed with her yarn and knittings.

Having run out of live prey,
her gray mood turned black,
and she gave her dolly twenty stickings,
her mophead hair twenty snippings.
When she saw what she had done,
she gave her teddy ten and one–
nothing left but but tattered rippings.

Last she came upon the grandfather clock,
chiming in the hall.
Deciding she’d had enough of its tickings,
she hacked it to pieces,
splinters bouncing off the wall.

And in this rhyme, we see a pattern
of Linsey Gordon mellowing,
yellowing as she ages backwards in time,
like a curious case of reverse progeria–
oh, happy day, bloody sublime!



And for those who are interested in the darker versions of popular tales, these links are for you:

One thought on “Linsey Gordon had a…hatchet?

  1. Pingback: 15 Blogging Prompts | Sarah Lea Stories

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s