Remember when I was born and you were so happy?
I remember when you were born.
Remember your first day of school and you were so excited?
I remember being excited about leaving.
Remember when you were trying out for baseball and how hot it was?
I remember it being hot all the time.
Remember when you ate that hot dog and threw up all over Grandpa?
I remember throwing up all over Grandpa,
and not being able to eat hot dogs for a whole year.
Remember when you blew a bubble and got gum all in your hair?
I remember Mom crying while she shaved my head that time.
Are you sure it wasn’t a lollipop?
Remember when you graduated from high school and you were kind of sad?
I just remember being happy.
Remember when you went off to college and Mom was sad?
I remember being scared.
Remember when you met Anne and it was not quite love at first sight?
I’ve always loved Anne.
Remember your wedding day, and you were so nervous?
She was the one who was nervous.
Remember when you almost fainted while Marie was being born?
Guys don’t faint.
And the moral of this prose is simple:
This is why perfectly true memoirs are impossible to write.