In Mother’s eyes, 5 years of marriage seemed to matter more than 10 plus years of unmarried, enduring love.
There was no limbo in relationships. There were two choices: married or single. Shacking up was emotional purgatory, at least for David.
David had been Mother’s lover before the elders, now he was her boyfriend, &, all in a ploy to make it right, he would become her fiancé.
They said Patrick was in the spirit world, waiting to be baptized by proxy. Mormons not only had to take care of the living, but also the dead.
Patrick wasn’t in Heaven, but among us in another dimension called this Spirit World. David was among us, in the Heaven I knew as home.
Patrick was more real to me dead than he had been when he was alive. He was the unseen guest at our dinner table, eating us all up inside.
A dead man’s alleged wish overruled her lover & children. Mother took her love away from the living to give it to the dead.
“You should’ve seen the way David looked when you mentioned your husband’s name. A poor, wayfaring man of grief he was then,” Elder Johnson said.
Caitlin loved Patrick, whom she had never seen. I loved David, though my eyes had beheld my father’s face. Just what did that say about me?
The ticks & tocks from our grandfather clock matched the lub-dubs of my heart–still beating, despite holding my breath & feeling as if I were dying.