We were in our own little world—a world in which Mother did not fit. Even as she & David belonged together, so did David & I, in our own way, in a way the 3 of us together never could.
Empowerment was allowing myself to believe in something I could not see, & yet, to believe in something greater than ourselves was to be under their rule.
I was not called, but given a calling. I was to work for the Church for free, & pay them on top of that for the opportunity to do so.
Mormons assigned callings, & I realized how many tentacles they had—through 3-hour church services, Enrichment meetings, Visiting Teaching, Institute, & now, a job in the Church.
I knew then that he didn’t believe the Church was true—he loved a lie because it was a beautiful lie—a lie that gave him power over those who were true believers.
I bore false witness that the Church was true, & prayed for God to have mercy on my soul if I was right.
There was something creepy about a grown man asking me if I’d been obeying the law of chastity, for what happened between a man & a woman in the bedroom was between them, & no one else but the God who had made them.
God had called me to serve in the nursery, something I knew nothing about. Just as He’d called Noah to build the Ark. Yet how easy it was to say that “God said.”
Perhaps he should’ve called Mother to mind the children, but maybe it was the Bishop’s way of making me want them, so that I would have to marry, for in the Church, single motherhood was a form of earthly martyrdom that harmed the innocents & turned men into deadbeats.
I didn’t question. I knew better than that, for as it was said, so it was believed: When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done.