In the facility of secular healing,
I was given a blessing of
a blessing not medicinal,
My love for my fellow Mormons
was like the morning & the evening star,
for I could not pinpoint when it had begun,
nor could I predict when it would end.
It was simply a beautiful intermezzo in my life.
For one night,
my family was as one.
For one night
in a lifetime of nights,
all the pieces that made up me,
fell into place,
& I was complete,
only to be broken in different places again
& each piece of me became smaller
& easier to lose.
She wanted a son who could go on a mission—
not a sacrifice who spoke in parables & proverbs,
but a trophy who proselytized & sanitized the gospel—
a trophy with an invisible plaque that said
“Best Mom Award.”
Mother had 2 daughters,
but she wanted a son—
a son who would be her stripling warrior,
her soldier in God’s Army,
a Mormon legend that would reproduce
after his own kind.