Sunnie Mooney had always said
that she’d never retire
till she became a millionaire,
but then she got starstruck in the kisser
by a meteor in the shape of Alec Baldwin,
knocking the day & night lights
out of her.
what his mother had self-deprecatingly
referred to as Ivory Rubbish,
her son, Moon Pi,
donated her body to science fiction,
& she made more money as a sideshow prop
than she ever had as a freakshow character—
finally reaching that million-dollar milestone
after she’d reached for the stars.
Dangerous Curves Ahead
Judy was hauled off to the fat farm
while Janey was rolled away to the funny farm.
When they connected through group therapy,
they realized that one man
(ex-husband to one, ex-lover to the other)
had driven Judy to try to eat her way to oblivion,
the other, to check into it.
And so, these 2 women done wrong
decided that the only cure to their troubles was Joanie—
a leggy, blond nymph who would turn their ex’s eye
& empty his head—
for Joanie had driven all her husbands
to buy the farm.
When Fanny Took a Load Off
Fanny Bottoms (nee Derriere)
was the butt of many jokes
because of her Spoonerisms,
but she got the last guffaw
when she turned the other cheek
on those anal asses
by showing them the
dark, unwaxed side of the moon.