When Chad decided to double-cross
Dictionary & Thesaurus,
he, with the IQ of a boiled turnip,
was no match for Dictionary,
who didn’t just tell him what he was
but went so far as to spell it out
& use his name in a sentence
while Thesaurus,
who was fed up of being overused,
called him every name in the book.

Mr. Shaker worked in the salt mines,
Ms. Grinder, the pepper mill.
They endured a hardscrabble existence,
what with him being
a water retention expert
& she,
being blessed more times
than were sugar lumps
at tea time in Britain.
At a well-seasoned age,
they retired on a penny pension,
ready to spice up their world.
When they met over a bowl of grits a yo-yo,
they realized that they complemented
one another
perfectly.

When the Couch Potatoes decided
they needed a rebranding,
they juiced carrots daily,
trying to turn themselves into Sweet Potatoes,
which only made them ill,
so they marketed themselves
as gluten-free sofa spuds instead,
but took it too far when they made Bread
the enemy.