Cookie thought Brownie was stuck up,
& Brownie thought Cookie was stuck on himself,
so they were stuck in their unfriended state,
until along came Candy,
who, distressed at their unfriendliness,
offered them each a hand,
building a bridge of commonality.
When Cookie & Brownie realized
they were better together,
from the fresh-out-of-the-oven warmth
that radiated between them,
only for another battle to begin:
Cookie thought their new alliance should be Crownie,
& Brownie, Brookie,
but both couldn’t have top billing.
He was the king of bumper stickers,
They were clever in the crudest of ways,
so that when it came time to pool their talents,
they created the kind of movement
that would benefit from a colon cleanse.
She’d moved away from it all
before he could take her away from it.
Her reinvented life was such
that when he made the offer a second time,
there was nothing to take her away from.
When the right man came along,
it was not to take her away from anything,
but to add to what she already had.
She passed out compliments
like a stranger with candy,
sweetening the air with her perfumed words.
When she met the man
who made a living hurling insults,
she gave him a chocolate trophy for being
the biggest dick in the world
which satisfied both of their predilections.
He was doing all the kissing,
she, the telling.
Though he was a man of action,
a woman of words,
they both enjoyed lip service
of all kinds.
Mary & Clary–
a widow & a divorcee–
both being rid of their balls
(having cut the chains with
arsenic & ink),
no longer had a man to keep them warm,
so they decided to keep company
with needle & yarn.
And it was when they took a class at
The Knittin’ Needlers
that they realized they’d become their mothers
who’d made their fathers miserable
(which explained their only childhoods).
Jill, Kelly, & Sabrina–
Charlie’s braless angels &
Bosley’s femme fatales–
found themselves 40 years in the future
where they were doubly appreciated,
for everything old had become new again.
When each gal spotted the man they believed
to be the enigmatic Charlie,
they scattered to follow him,
tagging themselves on Facebook
& checking themselves in at random places
to find one another again.
When they reconnected,
they found not the time machine
that had brought them there
the time capsule they were.