Fiction Friday: Micropoetry Based on the Book

There were musical chairs for the young single adults
& a cakewalk for those who had not sampled
Sister Minnie Page’s mayonnaise pie—
(or “bile cake,” according to Caitlin)—
an inedible mess that half the young single adult girls said
they would be glad to buy from the winner,
just to smash in Tony Schafer’s face.
Caitlin ended up making five bucks that night,
& Tony, who, at his heart, was good-natured,
let himself be “pied.”
There was a costume contest for the kids,
but no masks were allowed,
for just as painted ladies did things to men
that their wives weren’t willing to do,
a mask provided an air of anonymity
that emboldened those who were predisposed
to do evil.

Mother had felt foolish dressing up before,
but this year, she was the epitome of a Russian princess,
David, a Russian czar.
No one knew what they were supposed to be,
& David enjoyed educating them,
with Sister Batts being the only one who dared ask
if they even knew what they were supposed to be.

Sister Wiley looked like a teeny-bopper
in checkered pedal pushers & ponytail—
adorned with a scarf instead of a scrunchie—
reminding me of the time
I had heard Sister Wiley tell Mother
that she preferred slacks over skirts
because she didn’t like her legs to touch.
If I hadn’t found out from Elder Roberts
that she’d had a baby in her teens,
I wouldn’t have thought much about it,
but I realized then that that attitude
was what had gotten her into trouble
in the first place,
& it disturbed me to think she was discussing
such personal matters with the elders.

The Jonases were dressed as Raggedy Ann & Andy
who looked down on their luck,
Brother Roswell, who always looked like a homeless Vietnam vet,
had come as a Hare Krishna,
his wife a gigantic pumpkin,
which was fitting,
as she had the face of a jack-o-lantern.
Sister Batts was the Wicked Witch of the West,
complete with a slime-green face,
though the warts were original.
It was a cavalcade of freaks & weirdos,
with a few genuinely sane people,
or at least that was how Leann would describe
the wacky assortment of characters who were
so unlike the types cast in Church-sponsored commercials.

Catie Jonas was the unofficial photojournalist of Green Haven Ward,
Caitlin, her captioning sidekick,
both of them ending up in the November ward newsletter
for their high jinks.
Caitlin hadn’t been spiritually converted into the ward,
but she had been converted socially—
with flying pink colors.

Pre-Carbon Dating

When Oxymoron made a pass at Sinner Sass,
he got the girl but lost the woman,
for his personality was split
right down the middle–
all the way past his banana.
(There wasn’t enough whipped cream
in the world to make that palatable).
But the real rub was that 
apples & pears became more her thing,
but only after she’d had her way 
(or at least halfway)
with him.

Peas & Caterpillars: Recipe for 1 Smiley-Faced Stick Figure

5 caterpillars (for the skeleton):
1 circle (for the head),
1 vertical (for the torso),
1 horizontal (for the arms),
& 2 diagonals (for the legs).
Add to the circle 3 peas:
2 for the eyes
1 for the nose,
& a pea rolled into a caterpillar
for the mouth.
Remnants are used hair & clothes
because those things are dead anyway.
After all, aren’t all corpses either bald or naked,
depending on their level of

Sweet Little Nothings

Learn something new with an old friend

Mary & Clary—
a widow & a divorcee—
both being rid of their balls
(having cut the chains with
arsenic & ink),
no longer had a man to keep them warm,
so they decided to keep company
with needle & yarn.
And it was when they took a class at
The Knittin’ Needlers
that they realized they’d become their mothers
who’d made their fathers miserable
(which explained their only childhoods).