Although a mismatched pair of socks,
Lefty & Righty still served a dual purpose:
to keep their contents warm—
in winter & in summer,
in smelly times & in freshly-laundered times,
in plush times & in threadbare times—
for as long as they remained un-holey.
For the brunette bombshell
known as Buxom Brown,
Jenna & Barbara Bush
lived in 2 different zip codes,
but when Bux got her reduction,
all that double-duty heavy lifting
was behind her,
for this girl’s 2 best assets
were now known as Jen & Barb.
Sox the Cat & Shooz the Dog–
named for what they unraveled or chewed up–
sold for pennies on the pound.
When they crossed piddle & poo paths
with Cashmere the Cat & Jimmy Choo the Dog,
they were reviled for their generic breeding.
But Sox & Shooz were major leaguers,
for by their names alone,
they represented EveryCat & EveryDog.
So this ragtag duo got together
with all the other neighborhood pets & strays,
& the candy asses of Cashmere & Choo
were kicked to the curb
where the garbage can diet was the only thing
on the menu.
When the black widow
married the brown recluse,
they made an agreement:
She would leave him alone &
he would play dead,
making their Web site
a happy one.
When Complement Sandwich
met Knuckle Sandwich,
neither believed the other cut the mustard,
until they met Open-Faced Sandwich—
after which the 2 decided to bury the bread knife &
initiate Open-Faced into the menu
by giving him a complimentary knuckle sandwich.
When Kit Feline took Kitty Katzenberg
to see Guess What’s Coming Up for Dinner?
she decided that supper after the show
was no longer appealing.
She ditched him for Fluffy McFurry,
who was in the next room,
spinning yarns that turned into
hilariously ugly Christmas sweaters.
It was during the dog days of summer
that Mia Chow decided to take a catnap.
She dreamed of cream & spinning a yarn,
of chasing a laser beam
on a fidget spinner—
only to wake up dog tired
from an amorous polecat
who just wouldn’t let this sleeping moggy lie.
Cream of Cat Soup
~How to Make~
First, you must find a good quality feline (preferably not one on its ninth life). So no alley cats of dubious lineage–preferably a fussy purebred that has subsisted on yellowfin tuna (packed in olive oil), organic whole milk, and the occasional mouse, as “free-range” is all the rage. After all, you are what you eat and what you eat, eats.
Ever heard of that old saying, “high as a cat’s back?” Well, that’s because it’s the best part. The spine creates a rich, “right off the spine flavor.”
You also may have heard that there is more than one way to skin a cat, but that simply isn’t true. (That’s another recipe for another time.)
Now you’ll want to stew the pussy in its favorite cream (this is the alternative definition of comfort food), adding the necessary warming spices to make it the cat’s meow (and maybe even the dog’s bow-wow).
Enjoy with a cup of Darjeeling tea.
Go ahead, try it. Your curiosity won’t kill you.
A Dog Lover