Micropoetry Monday: For Labor Day

Labor Days

She felt that waiting tables was beneath her,
that working behind a register did not
utilize her learned skills and innate talents,
never knowing that the smiley face she drew
in whipped cream on a child’s chocolate chip pancake
or the few extra cherries she put in their Shirley Temple Tantrum
made their day,
or that it was her cashiering job
that ultimately paid for those little extras
that made her day.

!@#$ Customers Say (or Ask or Do)


  1. Saying you’re ready to order, then proceed to choose your sides like it’s the biggest decision of your life.
  2. Ordering black coffee.  (Uh, that’s why there’s cream and sugar on the table.)
  3. Making your own lemonade with extra lemons and the sugar on the table.
  4. Saying, “We shouldn’t have to pay for an extra (insert sauce, dressing, etc., here).”  (Do you think extra sides of ranch grow on trees?)
  5. Assuming that your waitress thinks you can’t afford to pay for your meal when she informs you of an extra charge if you order an extra dressing.  (Knock that chip off your shoulder!  I hate to have a surprise charge on my check, because the choice to resist and not be charged was robbed from me.)
  6. Saying your food is fine when the waitress asks, but then complain about it later to the manager, so we get the business (as Wally Cleaver would say) about not following up on our tables.
  7. Eating all the meat out of your meal and then saying it was bad and asking for a refund.
  8. Asking for something extra and then wasting it.
  9. Asking your waitress to bring something, and then asking them to bring something else when they come back.
  10. Asking if we have any gluten-free items.  (No, this is the South–we serve unhealthy food.)
  11. Ordering something not on the menu.
  12. Saying you ordered one thing, when you ordered another.  (Love it when their table mates stick up for the waitress.)
  13. Coming in for dessert and leaving a dollar, even though you saw the server make your shakes and ice cream sundaes (which are a pain in the kazoo).
  14. Telling your waitress how bad the food and/or service was last time.
  15. Asking, “Are you new?”, because the waitress doesn’t know the answer to some obscure question.
  16. Acting like a brand-new waitress is supposed to know you, because you are a regular.
  17. Asking what the soup of the day is, and then making a face when the waitress tells you.
  18. Continue talking to the people at your table when the waitress approaches to take your order.
  19. Sitting at a table for twenty minutes before saying you haven’t been waited on.  (This is why restaurants have hostesses.  No way in Hades would I wait more than a few minutes before saying something.)
  20. Fighting over the check so the waitress basically has to toss it in the center of the table and let everyone fight over it.
  21. Arguing with the people at your table while your waitress is trying to take your order.
  22. Asking your waitress if another waitress has a boyfriend.
  23. Getting pissed if your waitress asks you to repeat something, and then proceed to do so, very loudly.
  24. Asking your waitress about what’s good and then when she suggests something, ordering the opposite.
  25. Asking your waitress if they’ve tried such and such, and then, if she tells you she hasn’t, saying they should.  (I will NEVER eat an oyster, and I should not just to suit you.)
  26. Trying to order off the kids’ menu.  (Don’t be a cheapskate.  Restaurants don’t make any money off kids’ menus.)
  27. Letting your kids make a horrendous mess and then leaving it (and what’s more, letting them destroy/open up all the sugar packets).
  28. Not hardly drinking your beverage halfway through the meal, and then sucking it down in a minute flat and shaking your empty glass of ice like a maraca.
  29. Making fun of how your waitress pronounces mayonnaise, even though it is the grammatically correct way.
  30. Making a deal about your burger having mayo on it, when it says it comes with mayo on the menu.
  31. Stealing your waitress’s pen.  (That’s why you only get crappy pens.)