Micropoetry Monday: The Lighter Side

When Sticky Fingers Sal & Pickpocket Pearl
were strolling out of Curl Up & Dye,
Sal, distracted by a Grammar Nazi on strike,
slipped & fell into a plot hole.
Pearl, always quick with her hands,
reached into the man’s pocket
& stole the ultimate weapon–
his dangling modifier.
She held it down for Sal who,
even after her rescue,
just wouldn’t let go of it.

He was a prankster,
she, a punster.
He played a good game
while she talked one.
As she made friends,
he made enemies,
for the pen with which
she penned her wit
was mightier
than his edge
for pissing people off,
because the latter was
just
too
easy.

Goofus had the workmanship,
Doofus, the showmanship.
When “GooDoo” went on Shark Tank,
they were unstoppable–
until they met the beautiful forger
with the handsome penmanship
who took them to the cleaners,
leaving them not only blue-balled,
but completely blackballed
from the Rotary Club.

A Fairy-Tale Bromance

Once upon a time in a parallel universe,
somewhere in the land of Chico, Cali,
Frick and Frack set out to seek their fortune
in a land called Silicone Valley.

Imbued with the entrepreneurial spirit,
they skated their way down the coast,
dreaming of the girls they’d meet–
buxom Nordics just under six feet.

It was then they came across Spick and Spann,
hair as blond as their eyes were blue,
who cleaned their clocks,
leaving them hanging by the ballocks.

Penniless, but now scrubbed clean,
they found their niche that made them rich—
peddling implants to transitional dudes,
only to have to recall for making them too small.

It was then that Frick and Frack knew they were the true boobs,
and they fell into a clinical depression,
until they met Tit and Tat (a cupple of A’s from the San Fran Bay),
and renounced their profession.

“Beauty is big or small,” they preached,
“dysmorphia we will no longer perpetuate,”
and they lived happily ever after,
nestled in a valley of the Golden State.