In the world,
one’s relationship with their children
but in Christianity,
the marital relationship was prized & protected
above all others,
for no one made covenants with their children
as they did with their spouses,
but perhaps that was because
bonds between parents & children
were thickened with blood,
so no covenant was needed.
When children died from illness,
it was the result of a fallen world,
& a multitude of other things.
If they died from injury,
it was Fate,
or because another person’s free will
had infringed on theirs.
when it came to the devout,
it was that God needed another angel
when He had how many already?
God wasn’t always directly blamed
He was blamed for not stopping it.
In the Old Testament,
when God Himself seemed to play a role in the world,
& all the Israelite children were murdered,
I knew I would never be able to defend His decisions,
& so I could never defend His book.
I could only say that the evil spoken of in it
had brought about good
that might otherwise have never existed.
The Church was the lie that led me to the truth.
It was the lie that had exposed another lie:
the death of my father.
I wondered what next big truth would turn out
to be a lie also,
& what lie it would expose.
The line between fantasy & reality
had become a canvas
that had been left out in the sun too long.
My life had been a dream up till now,
like a dream within a dream.